So, here I am on a Friday night, after months of poking and prodding from my girlfriend to write another blog post. Damnit! Sometimes I feel like I fold like a cheap lawnchair! This, of course, is not one of those times. I feel like I've held out like a champ! Ha!
I have no idea what I am going to write about tonight. Maybe I should write about how much I hate a couple of my co-workers. Hmm...that might make me feel better after a week of insanity. Here we go...
One of my co-workers is a complete imbecile. Yep, I said it. Imbecile. You would think in an economy such as this, a person would like to keep his job. Nope, not this guy. Mind you, he is an educational champion. He spent 12 years in college. Those are the kind of people we call
anesthesiologists. Him...I call moron. The best part of it all is that he's PROUD of it!
Ok, back to my story... For the past month or so, he's been challenging the authority of the office - i.e. our boss. Now, I am all for challenging authoritative dictatorships. However, in this case, this asshole was just completely out of his league. It's one thing when you know what you are talking about and you are sure that your boss has no clue. It's completely different when you're the one who has no clue and tries to argue with an expert. Perhaps you are starting to get the picture.
For the last couple of weeks, this guy's head has been on the chopping block. Everyone and their mother has tapped him on the shoulder and told him to lay low and keep his nose clean. Has this 'anesthesiologist' taken any of our advice? Nope...not at all. The best part was what I got to hear the other afternoon in his office - which just happens to be next door. Now, don't get me wrong, I've heard some crazy shit in my day... But this is some good stuff. In 3 months, I've never heard someone come down so hard on an employee before. Seriously! It nearly made me fold in half! I was beside myself! This shit was hilarious!
I felt like our boss made him out to be a failed experiment with a monkey. That's right...a monkey! I felt like we were in the NASA space program and my co-worker was the lone chimp who couldn't handle the pressure. Really?!?! I thought the guy was going to cry. And you know what I did? I almost fucking cried myself...from so much laughter! It was the single greatest moment of the week. You would share in my joy if you knew exactly what this guy was like from the start, trust me.
For someone who claimed to know every CEO and President of every major company in New Jersey, his life was pretty sad. He lives in a single bedroom apartment in a rather dangerous part of the state. He drives the oldest piece of shit car I have seen in the past 10 years. He looks like he belongs in communist Germany - yes, the good old days. And this guy wonders why he gets ridiculed each and every day by his co-workers. In my mind, this guy should be at the top of his game. Instead, he's trying to impress 14 year-old girls with his luxury car from over 15 years ago...and he bought it last year. Awesome.
In my book, this guy is a fucking champion. Every day that he lives and breathes in my presence is a gift. It takes everything I have not to shove my fist into his mouth each time he opens it up. It takes zen-like control not to throw him down a flight of stairs. I know that you think I am harsh, but to be fair, you have to meet this guy to understand where I am coming from. Perhaps some of you have someone like this in your life. If you do...I'm sorry. I'm sorry for you because you are faced with a tough choice. Do you try to remove this person from the planet in order to make it a better place for everyone? Or do you hold your actions back, even though it kills you to do so, because you know that what you might do COULD result in some prison time for you? It is a moral conundrum...I know from experience.
Just know that I am with you...every step of the way. And for those of you who don't know... Please, have pity on me. I can only hope that on the day he gets fired, I have a device that can record every last second of the moment. Because...I would want to share it with all of you. :-)