American Idol...2008

It's finally over! David Cook is the new American Idol for this year. Thank GOD it wasn't David Archuleta! I think I would have shot myself in the fucking head if that kid won! I really hope David Cook rocks the shit out of the music industry when he cuts his first single and his first album. To be honest, I didn't like him in the beginning...mostly because of his look. I am glad that the producers saw that they couldn't market him as well as they could with him looking like that. Stupid red streaks in his awful haircut and that annoying dirt stain just below his lip. He looked like he just got out of bed and went on stage without looking in the mirror. And now, he looks like a fucking rockstar.

I had a lot of beef with this year's top 12. First off, I was real pissed that Asia and Kady were booted while the likes of Amanda, Jason Castro and Ramiele stayed. Asia (I know her name is Asia'h, or some shit like that, but I refuse to spell it like her drunk parents did when they named her), I thought, had an awesome voice and a good look. Kady, on the other hand, was just entertaining and I wanted to see her for a few more weeks. I lost my shit when she did her impressions...especially of Britney Spears! But, the audience...*cough* producers *cough*...thought otherwise.

How the fuck Amanda even got into the top 24 is beyond me! If anyone heard her tonight, she sounded like she was on drugs and just went for oral surgery. Reminded me of Bob Dylan if he just yelled what he was singing into the microphone. And not that I wanted to see this, but why the hell, when all the other girls were wearing skirts or dresses, did she still wear pants? She must have some fucked up legs underneath those jeans, let me tell you. Probably all scarred up from riding her motorcycle and getting bottles thrown at her while she was singing in her bar. Most of the time, she looked like she belonged with the Addams Family.

From day 1 I wanted to kick Jason Castro in the head and knock some sense into that kid. Could he be any more dumb? Anytime he was interviewed, he must have kept thinking to himself, "How stupid can I act on camera?" Just when I thought the kid couldn't act any more stupid, he just blew me out of the water over and over again. It actually pissed me off that he stuck around to the top 4. I would have rather seen the male strip club dancer in there more than him! Hallelujah? Are you fucking shitting me? How in the hell do you sing that song and practically get Simon Cowell to tell you it got him hard?! Unbelievable...just unbelievable! Would someone please shave that kid's fucking head, please?! I swear I saw some birds setting up a nest in there the last time he was on camera.

Speaking of the male strip club dancer... All I have to say is, "WOW!" That's some fucked up shit. I almost pissed my pants when I heard that one. Funny how that all came out the week he was kicked off. Think any homophobes vote out there? Oh, yeah, of course they do...that's why they voted off Danny Noriega as soon as they could. All I kept thinking when they were up there doing the George Michael song medly was, "I wonder if David Hernandez is going to give 'ol Georgie a lap dance after the show!"

And what the fuck went wrong the week Michael Johns went home? Did the producers really want him gone that bad? I know EVERYONE was shocked as hell to see that happen. I was pissed off like you wouldn't believe! The guy was solid gold! I have a feeling that they wanted him gone because he was Australian and 29 years old...not quite fitting the "American" Idol mold. Maybe it was because they saw how badly an older American Idol did in the market...i.e. Taylor Hicks. I hope he becomes a rockstar.

David Archuleta...where do I begin with this kid. Does he have a good voice? Absolutely! Do prepubescent teens and senior citizens love him? Yes, yes they do. Have his testicles dropped yet? That's a resounding NO! The kid had one dance move on the stage, and it was moving his arm outwards. He licked his lips so obsessively, I think he might have OCD. And if he ever sang while he was driving (er, when he drives...hehehe), he would get into an accident every time because he can't seem to keep his eyes open! I said it for the past few weeks...if he had come on American Idol in 6 years from now, he'd be a winner. At this point, he can't even stand up on stage without getting lightheaded and nervous as hell because he is worried his father will beat him if he doesn't do a good job. There's just no comparison between last year's 17-year old winner (Jordin Sparks) and this year's 17-year old runner-up. He was nothing more than David Cook's little brother up there.

One last thing before I sign off on this blog... Chikezie will always be a pimp in my mind and I hate Carly Smithson with a passion I only reserve for Notre Damn (oops, I mean...Dame) and Boston University. Cocky little bitch.

Ok, I'm out.